Life and Liquor

Things Your Mom Will Say to You if You Make Out with Someone in Her Basement

ALTERNATE TITLE: I Ran Away to Australia Because It Was Easier Than Having This Conversation With My Parents Because Ew

If you make out with someone in your mom’s basement she will say things like:

“Your shirt’s inside out.”

“If I’d have known you were having someone over I would have put sheets on the pullout.”

“Next time you can bring the heater downstairs so you don’t get cold feet.”

“Who has dry lips?”

Oh my God. Mom. What.

“I think your friend left two sticks of lip balm downstairs.”

Oh.

Then your dad will ask whose shoes he spotted in the kitchen that morning.

The event will be so embarrassing that you will just say “fuck it” and buy a plane ticket to Australia so you don’t have to look your parents in the eye for at least seven months.

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One thought on “Things Your Mom Will Say to You if You Make Out with Someone in Her Basement

  1. s says:

    1) that basement WAS frigid. 2) I still want my balm back. I cherish my Burt’s Bees. 3) You needn’t worry about cold feet; I would never have had sex in that house because, as I mentioned, it too much resembles my sweet late grandma’s home (you know, from around the block)

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