It has been an insane week for music videos. Release after release after release from all of my favorite musicians. This summer is going to be a nonstop party y’all.
So make yourself a cocktail because you’ve got almost fifteen minutes of music videos ahead. Drink every time you see an over-the-top costume or gyrating backup dancer! Today’s Music Video Martini is called the Scissor Shine Dominator. Enjoy.
Scissor Sisters – Baby Come Home
The Scissor Sisters do this thing that not many musicians can do, where all of their songs are different but always identifiable as Scissor Sisters. This is another one of their songs where they take on this upbeat, discopop tune and balance it with some totally bummer lyrics. Nobody likes waiting up at night while your babe is out banging half the town. That shit’s embarrassing.
It’s a typical Scissor Sisters video. Jake Shears wears bizarre costumes while making his creepy Jake Shears face (seriously can we talk about his crazy face?). Del Marquis looks fine as fuck even with facial hair that would be considered unacceptable on anybody else. Babydaddy looks kind of fine but you kind of hate yourself for thinking it. And Ana Matronic looks like a drag queen even though she has a legit vagina. So meta.
Previously on Scissor Sisters: Only the Horses
Florence + the Machine – Spectrum
Florence decides she’s tired of Lady Gaga and Katy Perry salting her game, so decides to glam up her vagina and shoot a ray of light from it. SUCK ON THAT POP DIVAS.
She’s having a bit of a Gaga or Madonna moment, depending on which trend-pandering succubus is your favorite. She sports some stacked hair and a gold jumpsuit that is clearly out of her comfort zone. But after her last few videos that show her looking homelier than she actually is, it’s time for her to remind the world that she’s a totally banging babe. This is a song about shining, so I’m just going to let her light up that fish fillet and prove that she can be a sexy pop superstar with genuine, incredible music.
This video has a lot of crazed dancers and shirtless dudes, and was very clearly designed to be played at gay bars, which I’m totally for if it means I can catch a break from traditional auto-tune harpy queens.
Shout out to the craziest fucking ballerina I’ve ever seen prancing around the video. That’s some Black Swan shit.
Previously on Florence + the Machine: Never Let Me Go
Marina and the Diamonds – Power and Control
Marina is a delicious deviant and we’re getting married someday. This video is Part 6 of the Electra Hart series. She’s managed to make a series of songs and videos that are all unique and different, but still tell an overarching story about the vain and beautiful Electra Hart. It’s brilliant, it’s visually stimulating, and for a pop album it manages to reflect a lot of core feelings that stir inside me, which is really embarrassing to admit.
Power and Control is exactly what the title says, a song defining the often unspoken struggle for dominance in relationships with others, the way you can wrap someone so tightly that you can crash their world with a 124 character text message like it’s no big deal.
Marina spends the video looking sexy in an empty mansion while acting out a lot of elaborate metaphors with some hot stock photo guy. There’s a part where she throws a bucket of ice on him while he’s doing shirtless upside-down sit-ups, which is supposed to be one of those control metaphors, but is really just proof that if you have enough money you can just dick around with your attractive friends in a mansion and call it art.
Whatever, I’m still obsessed.
Previously on Marina and the Diamonds: Homewrecker
Now that you’ve had a few sips, you should text your ex and ask how their cat is handling the breakup.
I’m sure they’ll appreciate your slurred concern.